Posts Tagged ‘Feet’

Unfortunately, this post has nothing to do with the late, great James Brown.

It has everything to do with my pain, and my constant irritation. To bolster my negativity even further, I can’t stop complaining. But I need to…

My ongoing words of discontent have led my daughter to join in whenever she wants to relate to me and share my pain. Not that she is hurting, but because she wants me to know that she stands by my side no matter how I feel. She’s only five years old, but my wife reassures me that she picks up on everything. So I have to stop voicing how much agony I am going through.

But it’s hard to even begin to try to stop complaining. If you have MS, or if you know someone with MS, you know that misery is a most definite unchanging attribute in our/their life. There are the good days sure, but I have to seriously force them. Most of the time when I am having a good day it is either cut short because of exhaustion, or pain. I can no longer seem to enjoy myself.

pain pathwayIn the past I have had a terrible problem with my left foot. I can relate to Monell Williams, in the way that it feels like a railroad spike is being driven longways up through the bottom of my foot while the surrounding area catches fire. Once it was so bad that I had my wife take me to the Emergency Room. The nurses and doctors that tried to relieve the pain kept touching my foot, each contact felt more extreme. Finally one nurse had put her fingers on my foot at such a light weight that I could tolerate it. I told her that if she pressed any harder though I would pass out, she replied that she was just checking my heart beat. Their answer to my torture was to feed me more pills and send me home.

I have told my Pain Management doctor everything about my foot. The specialist in charge of the clinic has performed about a dozen nerve injections on me, which none have helped.

I have even undergone a spinal tap, that also didn’t alleviate anything.

Now it is summer time. Anyone who knows a little more than the average person about MS knows that heat and humidity can cause flare ups and relapses. It’s not even July yet, in fact the logo for Google.com is celebrating that it’s the first day of Summer. Yet it already feels like my feet, my left more than my right, are covered in fire ants, are internally bleeding, and are surging with electricity.

feet covered in ants

It’s hard for me to look at this. Ants are my phobia.

Today my daughter asked me for some lunch following her afternoon nap. I wanted to feed her, but I could barely stand up. It hurt to walk, especially across a house with wood floors. My wife has been suffering from a severe toothache for the past week. I was trying to allow her to lie down in hopes that I could take care of our daughter myself, but when my little girl asked for food I had to wake her up. Luckily I was on the computer in the room with my wife.

I felt so guilty that I couldn’t help either one of them.

When my wife came back to lie down I took the opportunity to describe why I couldn’t help, even though I was awake. She understood and fell back to sleep.

Soon afterwards my daughter entered the room and told me that her feet and hands hurt like mine. It disturbs me to hear her say things like that for a few reasons:

  1. I will usually believe anything my daughter tells me unless it’s outlandish. I’ve had a ton of people in my life, doctors and family, not believe I was hurting only to find out I’m disease ridden. So it scares me to think that she may truly have the same problems.
  2. It makes me think that I either talk about, or even complain about, my MS entirely too much. So much that she thinks that pain and suffering is a normal thing.

Now my wife and I have taken the time to discuss my problems, and how I am still ok, with my daughter on numerous occasions. But it never fails, she still worries that I am very hurt, sometimes to the point of dying soon. She is also afraid for me whenever it is time for me to visit the doctors, even though we have tried to reassure her that doctors are our friends (A little white lie never hurt anyone right?).

So starting now, I am going to challenge myself to be more positive. Try my best to “get on the good foot”, even though I have real bad feet. Wish me luck in lasting at least a week long.

But what do you think?

Are you also a chronic complainer? Do you never complain and instead enjoy life? What are some tips you use to make yourself feel better? Do you think I have damaged my baby girl’s psyche? Hook a brother up with some replies and we can jive about ya feels, ya dig?

James+Brown+jamesbrowngettingdown

R.I.P. Godfather!

I wrote the majority of this blog yesterday (6/20/2013) but instead of finishing it I feel asleep. So in not posting this yesterday it allowed me to find some pictures (Yes I know that the ants on the feet picture is cliche and overused) and it also allowed me to insert some links. Depending on how exhausted I become today I will attempt to make another post for today.